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Current Mood: chipper

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okay so i know it’s four days into the new year already.. but here are my goals for 2025

I’ve got another masterpost in the works, a sort of collection of dreamwidths half-started and abandoned but things i want to write down in full nonetheless. they’re all silly meaningless things that’ve happened over the course of a few months that I never really got the time to write out in full but they’re also all things i want to tell you. so look forward to that! but for now! it’s the new year baybee!!

god last year was a lot. I respect the grind em and max have going on, summarizing the year by months and events but god damn when i tell you 2024 was a haze i MEAN IT. maybe i’ll do a recap on my year a bit later, but. I dunno.

and in the 2025 to come. god. i dont know what i want. I've got a few goals that I'll add to the dreamwidth, because if they're somewhere I can be held accountable. so that's what this is I guess?

I want fresh starts, isn’t that what the new year is all about? I’ve graduated from university, quit my job and am now firmly unemployed and not doing anything — that’s about as fresh of a start as you can get, right? as great as unemployment can be i do constantly have the itch of needing to be doing Something with myself, so mid-january will be mostly cold-emailing people i know of that might have a job for me. and dodging the inevitable mental slump that will be Turning Twenty Two. but hopefully it’ll be mostly emailing. Plus a bunch of goofing off, but that’s a given.

from there? fuck. who knows. I have vague and tentative travel ideas, coagulating a bit too late in the game so we might have to shelve some things, but if the pieces fall into place you will be hearing about it! the skittles tour has to happen some time this millennia, and with a bit of dreaming, a lot of luck and about half of my bank account balance we might be getting somewhere with that this year. no promises but. damn I can hope.

Reusing last year’s resolutions, but I’d love to cook more and I’d love to do more physical crafts. this year was GREAT for finishing projects i started! like, my thesis of course but I made three relatively impressive plush toys, and a keychain from air dry clay, PLUS i’ve been making some photo frames which are almost done and looking GREAT. for a bitch that leaves so many things Extremely Unfinished, thats a LOT!! and it’s been so fun, so I really want to continue the crafting bug into 2025.

Again a money-dependent (and entirely self-indulgent) goal but I’d love to get tattoos. 2025 might be the year of tattoos. and more piercings but at this point that may as well be a given. third lobes? more helixes? who knows. I will have more holes in me by the year’s end though.

Onto more left-of-field new year’s resolutions — I want to be more organised this year. and I say that every year, so I’m setting four main goals in this regard:

Write semi-regularly in my new Hobonichi Weeks! Em (bless them) remembered a tweet I made AGES ago, and got me a hobonichi weeks for christmas!! It has all the little photo spots from Earthbound on it and it makes me smile every time I see it. I love my friends!! So — even though I’m shit with keeping up with a journal, this weeks is so dagum cute that I have to try. I’ll probably spend a while figuring out how I want to use it, but for now I’m just using the left side as a calendar and writing down a few sentences about each day in the right side. It’s fun! And I want to stick with it, no matter how busy I get.
Log each new movie I watch. This might extend to shows, too, sometime in the future, but I always tend to forget what I watch whenever I watch a new movie, so I want to try and catalogue it a bit! It won’t be anything too fancy, I’ll just rearrange my notion a bit and make a page where I can put movies I watch, a star rating and a short little review. A one-man letterboxd if you will!
Log each new book I read. Similar to logging movies, with the added bonus that I need need NEED to read more books this year! I always have books on my nightstand and I always see things that I want to read, but in the absolute mess that was last year I barely read anything! This is the year for reading and rereading. And like with movies I never remember the books I’ve read, so having something to remind me will be nice.
Log every silly drink I get. This is the goal I see myself dropping the soonest, but seeing people start up soup spreadsheets and remembering gigi’s silly drink reviews from a while ago, I wanna try that out! at least cataloguing some of the different things I try. Plus, not working in a shopping center or going to uni will help — I won’t be getting as many silly drinks as last year, so it’ll be more of an occasion.

There’s four organisation goals, because even if I don’t keep with all of them, I’ll hopefully keep with at least two and then I can work with what sticks next year! Plus, I just want to try out cataloguing things I like! I think it might help a bit. Who knows!

I suppose, stepping back, that’s a whole lot of goals. I’m 100% not expecting to reach all of them, that’s why they’re all lenient and tentative and vague. If I don’t enforce parameters too strictly I can’t be disappointed when I fail! or whatever. so! merry christmas and a happy new year to all my oomfs — I love you all and I hope your 2025s are as amazing as you all hope and dream.

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: Once We Part Ways -- Xenoblade Chronicles soundtrack

Entry tags:

xenoblade

hi it’s me I’m back. again.

it’s been a. hot minute since I just blabbed about xbc so it’s kind of super overdue sorry everyone I am unbelievably enamoured by this fourteen year old jrpg.

I was thinking earlier (a rare occurrence) about how xenoblade has really made a home in my brain ecosystem. like it’s just in there and I really kind of have no idea how long it’s been in there. em might be able to carbon date my xenoblade hyperfixation more accurately than I can (I cannot remember SHIT about things that happened to me up until age 19) but there’s like. a whole timeline. I was first introduced to xenoblade through a playthrough I watched on youtube which started in 2014 and finished in 2015, but I don’t think I was watching it as it was coming out. I’d tentatively put the start of my knowledge about xenoblade in maybe late 2015? 2016? I knew nothing about the game going in, except for the fact that a youtuber I followed pretty closely at the time had made a one hundred and nineteen part youtube letsplay about this thing. and I wasn’t expecting it to hook me, but well. it did.

and for a while, xenoblade seeped its way into my consciousness. you know when you get a new thing you like for a while. it becomes a solid part of you for a good length of time, but after a while it fades into the background. and it took a while for xenoblade to fade into the background, but it happened. but little bits of it just always stuck to me I guess. a few of my commonly used passwords are xenoblade 1 references, I had xenoblade desktop backgrounds well into high school and xenoblade profile pictures on old, lost or defunct social medias (fucking. google plus anyone.) it stayed in my peripheral for what seemed like forever. I think I always wanted to play the game for myself, but I could never find it in any game stores, and I didn’t know any good second-hand game stores at the time (not that I really had any way to get to one consistently anyway. I was like 14.)

but! my saving grace! they ported xenoblade to the 3ds of all things. which in and of itself is a technical marvel! (this is a side-tangent but it really was so fucking insane in retrospect. they barely managed to get the whole thing to fit on one disc for the wii — it was likely going to be a multi-disc affair, like how final fantasy vii was on the ps1, but with a few cuts they made it on one disc, but the ds cartridges are Pretty Fucking Small. that’s kind of why xbc3d looks dogshit but I love it anyway. I wasn’t obsessed with meaningless things like graphics quality and the load speed of a game. I got to play xenoblade and I got to play it on my dark blue 3ds I covered in stickers. and I think that’s beautiful. it’s also only one of 8 games exclusive for the fucking insanely named “new nintendo 3ds”, only 3 of which are even available in australia, the other two being fire emblem warriors and minecraft for the 3ds. top shit) so I bought a new nintendo 3ds xl (and a copy of pokemon alpha sapphire) — my biggest purchase with my own saved up money at the time and a few months later (I CAN carbon date this, because my ds tells me the exact date) on 17 june, 2017, I played xenoblade 1 on my 3ds for the first time. it was great! the grainy cutscenes on the tiny ds screen, the barely visible UI elements. all of it culminated in a wonderful experience. I was back thinking about xenoblade again! it had been, at most, one year since this game had wormed its way into my brain, and it was — once again — in my head, ready for the hyperfixation to catch. and then I got stuck on one of the earliest boss fights and put the game down for another few years. yet xenoblade lingers, as it tends to do in my life. I had since moved past google plus and changed my desktop background, but many of my passwords were still xenoblade references. it’s kind of crazy, some still are! my interests tend to wax and wane steadily, I’ll get really invested in something for a few weeks, maybe a few months and with time they fade. I’ll reignite that spark if I think about it again for long enough, and that’s kind of what’s been happening with xenoblade, but also kind of not? it’s like. my interests are like cds in the cd player of my brain, right? (stay with me) and sometimes I’ll go to the cd store and pick out a new cd and put it in the player. and I love it. I’ll listen to it endlessly for a while, but then I slowly crank the volume down, lower and lower until eventually I turn the volume off completely and eject the disc. then in goes the next disc. I’ll sometimes come back to old discs and put them in the cd player, and sometimes I’ll have a few cds going at once, but eventually I turn the volume down all the way and eject them. I look back on them fondly and I look back on them often, but I know they’re always on my shelf. xenoblade plays on a gramophone a little to the left of the cd player, and the volume dial is a little whacked so I can never truly turn it off. it’ll often sit as noise in the background, but it never goes away completely. I can turn the volume up and down, sure. but it never goes away completely. it’s always there! constant!

dogshit metaphor I am SORRY but you get the idea right?? this thing has been with me for SO LONG. I don’t know how else to explain it really. I really don’t call this a hyperfixation lightly.. this fixation IS hyper.

Anyway. after completely abandoning my first save, I reset my file and started again. I stopped just before where I got stuck the first time. it’s a part maybe I wanna say about 15% of the way through. the area before the boss was a slog, because I was constantly putting the game down and picking it back up, often with days or weeks inbetween, so I’d forget what I had already done and where I needed to go, but it’s also a bit of a low point in the pacing of the game, even though it really gets going right after. so again, I put the game down for at least another 6 months. but I picked it back up. the gramophone starts creeping louder and I can’t stop thinking about this game. and it’s like it breezes by. once I pass the point I’m stuck at, the fog lifts and. man. I love this game so much. I power through the story, I’m unbelievably underleveled because all I want to do is relive this story and re-learn how much I love these characters. and that playthrough is magical! and all too quickly it’s over. right towards the end xenoblade has several ‘points of no return’ — parts of the story that, when they happen, change parts of the game forever. and they seemed to come flying at me at lightning pace, in those final few hours. then the end credits were rolling and that was that. wow. what a game.

Xenoblade does have a new game+ option, which I tried out for all of 20 minutes because sure it’s fun to breeze through things, and I’ll definitely explore that after my next run, but I wasn’t really feeling it after beating the game the last time around.

I also tried leaving it alone. maybe playing something else on my games backlog. but man I was hungry for xenoblade. so barely months later, I started a fresh save. I’m still on that save now, I’m probably about 30% of the way through (I say numbers like this but these are total guesstimates. I don’t even know what I would consider the halfway mark — I already have 6 of the 7 total party members and I’m in the 9th area of 20(! its big. xenoblade is Large) but story-wise I think I’m still a ways away from the end) this save I’m committed to doing every single sidequest. I really did speed through my last playthrough, so I want to do everything I can. possibly even take a crack at some of the superbosses, even though team setup and equipment and taking on guys significantly higher levelled than I am isn’t my forte.

Point is! I can’t stop coming back to this game. and. I understand that in no way is xenoblade like. an astoundingly good game. it has its good parts, and sure I love it to death but there are aspects to be rightly critical of and things that are just straight up boring. So why do I even like it? Nostalgia is maybe primarily the reason. but despite every gripe I have with this game I love its endearing characters and its captivating story. I love thinking about the cycles of grief and destruction and loathing. I love thinking about whether the future is predetermined or defined by every individual. and I love picking apart xenoblade’s flaws, considering what could change and dreaming up new fanfic-esque situations to put these familiar little guys into. unfortunately, maybe but I cannot and I will not ever stop loving this damn Thing.

This is only a vague advertisement for the oomfs to once again consider the 100+ hour 2010 jrpg I constantly keep rattling around in my brain, because I wanted to write this a little more like a reflective point for me. xenoblade has been in my brain for a while, and (as pathetic as it is to say) has carried me through many things. I could go on and on about the actual contents of the game and maybe I will again someday soon, but for now I just wanted to record a bit of what this thing means to me. I love this stupid video game to death I need to absorb it into my bones. IT ISNT EVEN THAT GOOD.

sorry for being insufferable I promise I’ll dreamwidth again soon

Current Mood: accomplished

Entry tags:

Well Fuck What Do I Do Now

I loveee opening up dreamwidth to a bunch of new entries from everyone. Sometimes it’ll fall out of my routine for a bit and I’ll come back to a few new posts. Its nice to look in on how everyone is doing. What we’re all thinking. I love my friends :)

Back in the dw grind!! I need to write more, and I need to remember to write more. goal: write at least 2 dreamwidths in November because I’m gonna have so much TIME. Anyway. Its all in the title baybee!! it’s almost been three weeks since feefthis submission and I still really don’t know how to feel. I’m still not done, I’ve still been keeping on with uni work — same old same old in the end — but I feel like I’m in this weird limbo period. I’m just. so incredibly done. I have been for a while now but it’s really hitting its stride right before my last two essays are due in. Go fucking figure. I could almost certainly be working on them too but. fuck dude. I really don’t wanna. They’re due at the end of the week. Enough time.

This year has just been! A lot! Fun fact: I was still considering dropping my thesis a week before it was due. Just putting it off and doing it next year or. yknow. never. I was talking about it with my dad in passing the other day in a moment of rare emotional introspection for the both of us — he asked me what the hardest part of this year had been for me and I said the self doubt. I said it’s always there, don’t get me wrong, but after having put 7 months of work into this thing I was so ready to just let it go and try again later! Hang on?! I put so much of myself into this project at every stage! What do you mean I was going to back out! Get real! This fear of inadequacy thing really do have hands huh. One of the only things that pushed me over the finish line was the fact that other people have done this whole thesis thing before. Hell, other people are doing the exact same thesis, with pretty similar challenges and circumstances. I’m not at all special in that regard, so if other people can push through, so can I. Glad I didn’t drop it in the end, cause for sure I’d be feeling worse now, but I digress. It was touch and go for a bit there!

And now for the aftermath? Get real (1)! I’ve run out of steam at the most inopportune time. I’ve only got 2 things left! I just need to keep trucking. They’re barely full assignments! And if I just got done with it, I’d feel infinitely better. Okay that’s a lie and we all know it.

Because then. What comes after? UGH. I have to figure out how to write emails. I have a Lot to do in a very short amount of time if I want to go into 2025 with Some sort of plan (and hopefully some sort of employment). I have a few options — people I know that are kind of psych-adjacent that I might be able to talk about job opportunities with — but it’s also endlessly nervewracking to send emails to people I know from One Thing A While Ago going ‘hey uhh wanna give me a job?’. Its something where I’m just going to have to bite the bullet. Fuck it. Do it afraid. The worst thing they can really do is just ignore my email, right? And once that’s done, I’ll feel better, right? Right??

I’m chasing a horizon of ‘being less stressed and feeling better’ that will never arrive, because I’ll just be stressed about different things eternally, forever. There’s always things to do. There’s always improvements to be made. I just need to get over myself and get on with it!

Side tangent I kind of nailed down this whole thought process at age 16/17 in a different flavour. At the time I was pretty shit at driving, and terrified of it too — and in classic fashion I’d beat myself up over it a whole lot. Why was driving the thing I’m bad at? The thing that everyone says is easy? Then I thought to myself — ‘if I ever get better at driving, I’ll just start beating myself up over something else. I’ll criticise my grades, or my body and eating habits again, or this or that or something else.’ AND I DID. as soon as I got good enough at driving to stop constantly beating myself up about it, I started feeling shit about something else entirely! A normal person might call this identifying room for growth, but I can’t help but bring a dose of self-loathing to the mix, can I? Oh well. My problems will never be solved. Boohoo cry me a fucking river. Point is I’m perpetually terrified of failure and disappointing myself and others — and it’s yet to sink in that no-one fucking cares about my menial problems! And yet I keep talking about them. Sorry folks.

On a much more fun note — I’ve got more time on my hands now, and I’m slowly working through a backlog of things I’ve been meaning to do for a while. Which means (and I don’t know if anyone remembers this from like. 2 or 3 feefwidths ago) I’ve been making plushes! I’ve really caught the Caz physical creation bug because I’m entirely in love with Making again. It’s been so long! I’ve finished just a few little plush projects (I’ll put photos and notes down below) and. It’s so fun?? Infuriating, sure! I usually put something else on in the background while I’m cutting or pinning or sewing or stuffing and if I get too invested in what I’m watching, mistakes come much easier — and understandably! But it’s never that bad, I can always try again. Crafting is such a low-stakes high-reward thing, I love it so much. Mistakes are easily forgiven, and at the end you get a Thing! That You Made! Incredibly rewarding. And my freehand stitching has definitely improved! I’m not at all at the scale or the point where a sewing machine is a justifiable purchase, so I stitch everything by hand, and its so soothing. Me when repetitive actions I can complete mindlessly. I’ve got so many ideas and not enough time to make them a reality. I might just spend the entirety of November sewing. We’ll see!

( pictures in here !! )

If anyone wants a little red guy, I still have like 75% of this 1m cut of red polar fleece to make stuff with — send me your suggestions :)

Love you all!

Current Mood: drained

Entry tags:

feef ramblings

recent happenings

i've been meaning to add to the dreamwidth for a while, but i haven't ever had anything big enough to say whenever i thought about wanting to start a new entry. who am i kidding, i never have anything big to say. i just use this to reflect on things happening lately. and so that's exactly what this is. and so i start writing this about an hour before i have to leave for work.

last week was assignment hell, two essays due on the same day, though i somehow got through it (i think, we'll see if those assignments were passing material when grades release, i suppose) and this week should be me working steadily on this big project but i haven't so much as looked at it all week, and it's starting to make me nervous. not that the sensation will make me do anything about it until it's way too late. we'll see. PLUS! the email about psych honours year came through on monday, apparently, but i didn't see it until this morning. i keep worrying that i haven't fulfilled the right course requirements and i'll have to wait another year to do my honours -- a fear easily alleviated by talking with a student advisor or whatever but i never feel like making an appointment, because my fears are incredibly minimal and would just be wasting their time. i should at least looking into how to make an appointment, but also consider. i do not feel like it and therefore will not do it.

speaking of things i did not feel like doing and therefore did not do for the longest time, i made that therapy appointment at long last! i booked in the earliest i could -- november first (yay for shortage of counselling staff!!) and it is through the uni, so we'll see how good or terrible it turns out to be, but i'll update accordingly. anything you guys recon i should bring to the appointment? i feel generally pretty underprepared, but i suppose that's normal. i'll definitely have convinced myself there's nothing wrong and i'm playing it all up for attention by the time november rolls around though so. ah well, we'll see.

wedding is tomorrow! i'm still not really sure why i'm feeling this excited over it. i haven't been to many weddings, and especially not recently. if i thought hard enough i could probably count all the weddings i've ever been to on one hand, and i don't think any of those were within the past five years. but it's mostly going to be hanging around the side of the family i get exhausted talking to (i get exhausted taking to all sides of my family let's be real here) so we'll see how it pans out. i got new shoes for the occasion (i also needed new shoes in general but i digress) and they're both fairly comfy and make me a fair bit taller, so maybe i'm the most keen for the being taller than most of my cousins part.

back from work now, and i had to close up like half an hour late because some guy came in two minutes from close and wanted me to sell him one of the figures from the big glass cabinet, meaning i had to find the original box for the damn thing, take the whole thing apart, put it back in the box, put everything through the computer, make a note of what i sold and when because the computer stops working properly after closing time, all the while having to keep reminding people that were coming to the door that yes, we are in fact closed, yes i know i'm still working right this second, no that doesn't mean you can come in anyway. i am so ridiculously tired. it's not the staying back that annoyed me, it's more the audacity this guy has to go 'yeah i know this figure splits into fifteen different tiny pieces, but i need you to get this specific one out of it's case and sell it to me right now, when you're not even being paid to do that'. i need to remember to tell people to fuck off sometimes. i need to stop complaining about inconsequential events. ghhgh.

since i'm not doing nearly enough uni work as i should be doing, i've been playing more stardew valley. it's kind of funny, i didn't know if i even wanted to romance any of the bachelors or bachelorettes at all, but in the past week i've ended up trying to work towards romancing absolutely all of them. i saw a passage on the wiki that said they have silly little cutscenes for if you try romance everyone at once and now i'm kind of curious, plus (and i know this makes me sound mad but hear me out) it means i can make the most informed decision when it comes to picking one, since i'll see every heart event for each candidate. i get to pick my favourite based off all the evidence! and i'll still probably choose to room with ghost guy shadow guy krobus anyway. HEBHJBSJ

that's all for the felix update for now! tune back in sometime for. something else. probably all the same silly little life update stuff. :)

Current Mood: tired

Entry tags:

post-direct ramblings

translating the little self-notes i took during the direct!! i've got a sticky note off to the side of the screen that i wrote on to make notes, because i forget what goes in these things.

SIDE ORDER NEWS OFF THE BAT HELLOOOO
- ohhhhhhhhh is pearl a little flying robot helping you out.. pearlbot looks cute
- and all the fish guys look insane?? damage numbers too .. woah ??
- OH JMYF GOD ITS DEDFISH????? this is like seeing a celebrity in the wild.. how insane, they're continually expanding the splatoon music artist lore i Love that from them
- she's calling herself acht.. that's like something klavier gavin would say HEBHJFS
- i'm trying to figure out what the distorted song at the end of the trailer is. its not calamari inkantation which would've been my first guess... but ooo maybe its a dedfish track.. oooooooooohoohooo.
- no marina in the trailer but. oh my girlwife i will see you soon surely..
a mario vs dk game.. apparently the weird out of context leaks were right ??
- looks pretty stock standard. but they didn't forget the monkey entirely.. nice.
prince of persia woah. i know like nothing about it.. but the environments look really cool and the music reminds me of hadesgame a bit
OHH MAN there's a spy x family game ???? and its so cute wtffff
- bond in fucking sunglasses is ADORABLE
- anya collecting memories of her friends and family in a scrapbook...... cryinggg....
smrpg info !!
- like what a surprise (sarcasm) but the remastered music sounds SO good though
OH YEAH i completely forgot about the new peach game they're making.. that looks cute as hell
- oh my god prince peach........ utena reference ?? (she looks so handsome .. bless)
- HERLOCK SHOLMES PEACH
- i am Loving all the new princess peach outfits she deserved some new fits i'm so happy for her
lara croft tombraider remaster?? hello?? give it up for the original girlboss
- HELPPP you can play in the original crunchy graphics BLESS i love games that do that
DETECTIVE PIKACHUUUU how did i forget they were doing this as well.. i completely forgot this was a thing that was going on
- bless this looks so cute.. i really want to replay the ds one now i stole it back from em HEBHJDSBJDH
oh YEAH i keep forgetting the new things they've been announcing. luigi mansion dark moon remake !
- ghost dog <3
theyre making a nintendo museum :0 oh that's cute !! bucket list visit or something
xenoblade mention !!! (theyre making xeno 3 amiibo) (oh my god SURELY they make an old man shulk amiibo for future connected .... second ever shulk figure in existence...)
sora's feet r insanely big. boy you do Not need feet that big
AN F-ZERO GAME ?? wow i thought they forgot you .. that's SO fun though
- I love the style of the music hehehe. boppy and retro
- ohhhh its a battle royale style that looks so fun actually..
- imagine them making something completely new for f-zero though that's insane
my FAVOURITE new little title by Far is DAVE THE DIVER.. LIKE.
- CATCH FISH BY DAY MAKE SUSHI BY NIGHT ???????? HELLOOOO SIGN ME UP THAT SOUNDS SO SILLY FUN
- LOBSTER WITH BOXING GLOVES????
- that is so good i Love that so much actually
they're still doing things with among us ??
- new maps ???? huh ??
final announcement.. surely it's wonder related..
- ITS NOT ??
- paper mario .. THOUSANYEAR DOOR REMAKEEEE WHATTTTTTT
- oh my god super paper mario remake soon maybe then .......... please i beg..
- oh that's so goddamn cute adorable i am in Love
- omg i forgot peach and security ai romance subplot
- it really has been remake city lately but. honestly i'm not even complaining.

bless. good direct. there were some other smaller titles that looked so cool fun, but apart from the odd bit, there wasn't much of anything new, but i DO like being reminded of things that are happening. detective pikachu and princess peach with a sword ESPECIALLY give me more of that.

THANKS FOR LISTENING to the ramblings i'm going to go collapse and sleep now <3

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: summer (the sun can bend an orange sky)

Entry tags:

feef ramblings

pre-direct rambling

i suppose i'm making this to check in. i've thought enough tonight about uni work but it can all wait because i think there's a midnight (at least for me) nintendo direct on tonight and i want to continue my live reaction streak i've had for some of the recent ones.

twitter might be a better platform for this -- mainly because i don't tend to have much to say about a lot of the titles they announce apart from 'that looks cool!' or 'oh yeah i've heard that's good!' unless it's something i know, or something i'm excited for. which. it's weird to be excited for new game titles when i don't even own a switch but. i don't know. keeping up with new game news is fun! i like having things to talk about with my coworkers! i like being excited about new things that are coming out! i like being able to be excited for things before seeing negative opinions about them on other social media platforms too i guess hahaha

until then though (should i make that a separate post?? maybe) i should make this an update post maybe. it won't be very long, or very comprehensive, but nothing much has been going on with me lately, so i'm sure i'll be able to find something to ramble about.

i'm going to a wedding soon! no-one close, it's a cousin's wedding, but i haven't been to a wedding in a while so it's a bit exciting. even if i will spend most of the time people-watching and avoiding every relative imaginable asking for the eighteenth time what i'm studying. both my parents have strange relationships with their siblings, (though, not that i have much of a baseline for 'strange' as an only child) but that ended up with me having fairly little to do with any of my cousins, apart from large family gatherings we felt obligated to attend, and the occasional funeral. Even though we live relatively close, i only ever see these cousins (getting-married and his siblings) a handful of times a year. they're all fairly nice though, so i'm looking forward to seeing them i think. i'm sure i'll write something down as wedding celebrations roll on, and you'll hear more after the fact!

been looking into the counselling services offered at the uni a bit more seriously (because god forbid, the psych student goes to see a psych) and i'll probably try put down for a spot, even if the next available openings are supposedly after the end of semester. at least it beats trying to find a private practice that doesn't have a waitlist of over two years. granted by the time it comes to being near the appointment i'll have convinced myself there was nothing wrong in the first place and i've fixed all my own problems but. oh well. maybe i should start keeping a mental health journal or something. the only problem is that by the end of the day, i barely remember what was going on in my head at the start of the day HEBHJDBJ

i've been craving playing stardew valley recently. it's probably partially the fact i'm using the soundtrack for study background noise, but the self-restraint is hard. i cannot let it win. i have so much research to do that i've been putting off for days ://

i should watch skip to loafer soon. a friend gave me a usb with a copy of the episodes so i gotta watch it soon. i'm sure i'll gush about it when i'm done!!

its about a half-hour off from the direct so i'll throw my predictions in and post this blog, then i might make a new post with my thoughts? or maybe just a reply to this one if nothing much interesting happened. anyway here goes:

splatoon side order information would make my entire night im not even going to exaggerate. i want to see marina my lesbian queen again and SOON. SURELY splat3 dlc info .........
i think they might talk about the tournament?? that happened?? apparently there were some good matches in that, i'll have to watch it sometime.
theres obviously going to be mario wonder info -- it's the biggest upcoming title. they're going to be saying things
i saw mention of donkey kong leaks? would be cool. no hopes are up though.
if they're going to do zelda totk dlc it will be Soon. keeping eyes out
maybe some new virtual console games? a fire emblem? a kirby?
~~mother 3~~ i am delusional (i need to replay mother3 so bad)

i'm honestly not all too expectant this direct. theres a staple big ticket item in the ring -- mario wonder -- and most of the other info will probably just be small titles and updates about newer things. i like tuning in regardless, and i'll keep you all posted if i see my favourite girlfriendwife marina splatoon <3

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: a cruel barbie's thesis (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82kop2jvY_A)

Entry tags:

its good to have feelings but god damn is it annoying

it's been a while!! since i last posted on here! half because i've been busy doing not much except for working and attending classes and Stressing but also because i started writing a post about half a week ago and then it all got lost except for the title, because sometimes my laptop likes to force shut down itself for no discernible reason. which is fair because i leave it running for days and that probably isn't great for battery health but also it's a pain in the ass and i wish it didn't happen so often. but i suppose in the meantime i get to rewrite this entry from scratch. which means i barely even remember why i titled this that but. yeah it sure is true.

most of what i already wrote was like. barely coherent, jumped all over the place and was not edited at all so i guess we'll be keeping with tradition for this one :)

GOT AROUND TO WATCHING AN EPISODE OF DOCTOR WHO !! and it's FUN i didn't realise how silly and just.. so much fun it would be. like i expected Some Silly but yeah. you get it. i'm sure there are insane and terrifying and life-altering episodes of dw (if em's reactions on various social platforms are to be believed, it's basically guaranteed) but i do just love the simplicity of two characters being insane with one another for a full episode's runtime. uhhhh episode was 10th doctor, season 4 (?) episode 1 and donna is so adorable i love her and david tennant's doctor is like. the most guy ever. their dynamic is Absurd and Wonderful, i love all the parts throughout even the one episode where they just spend time making silly faces at each other and i Will Never get enough of it.. i love them so much. i need to watch more of them sometime for the silliness kick !!

oh fun fact (i need to stop introducing topics i hesitate on bringing up as 'fun facts', mainly because they are usually neither fun nor facts). i genuinely can't stop apologising for the smallest of things. it's something i've kind of been a bit aware of for a long time, but i've had reason to notice it more and more in the past few weeks? months? i don't even know. i always fear taking up too much space, like that's not something i'm allowed to do. ugh. the mushy pile of goop in my skull should never have been given thinking power.

i've been having to practice different forms of therapy on myself, as an ongoing assignment for my psychotherapies/counselling class, and. i suck at giving myself therapy. which is kind of fair because that's not really how it's supposed to be done, and having a therapist that Actively Hates Your Guts is probably a sign you're not with the right therapist. but yet i persist. anyway, i hate putting feelings into perspective because it IMMEDIATELY makes everything i worry about or get concerned about look real stupid. i'm supposed to be an adult with adult concerns. like. come ON bitch get your head in the game.

anyway.

speaking of things i've watched lately -- a coworker gave me a usb of movies and shows, and at her recommendation i got around to watching that new digimon movie (it probably isn't very new by now but regardless) and it's good! i was never much of a digimon kid, i would watch the occasional episode when i saw it was on 9GO or something, but i never got fully invested but it's a damn good movie! (i cried) (it's love and loss it always comes back to love and loss))

ALSO i just finished (yeah this is like next day felix hi) the netflix one piece live action first season and FUCK. i had promised myself that i wouldn't get invested in one piece (because HOO BOY that's a time sink if ever i saw one) but goddamn. that series is insane and i love it so much. i don't think i'll ever bring myself to start watching the anime but i'll be following the live action whenever it airs more episodes because (and yeah i guess i say this even though i've never watched or read much one piece HEJHBFKJSDB but) it translates Surprisingly well into live action!! anyway watch OPLA the silly pirates are consuming my brain.

it's getting to that point in the uni semester it feels.. the point where i try and distract myself from every looming deadline by consuming a ton of new (and revisiting old) media and just end up making myself really anxious in the process because i don't get enough work done. and you'd think i'd learn my lesson -- i AM in my 6th semester of doing this ! but nooooooo . someone doesn't absorb the consequences of their actions.

off to go do some essay writing maybe. or rewatch some one piece live action episodes. who knows!
love yall <3

Current Mood: drained
Current Location: snoozeville
Current Music: Somebody To Love - Queen

Entry tags:

feef ramblings

another day, another post to the blog

HELLO bloggers and posters!
whew! a day it has been! i'm winding down to sleep, so if this gets incomprehensible a couple of lines in, don't worry about it.

The video essay masterpost is coming along (will be the next Post To The Blog, once I either figure out how to format nice in html OR give up and just link to the google doc i've been writing everything down in.) and either ironically or by design i'm listening to one of the videos that made the list -- Super Eyepatch Wolf's "How Mother 3 Breaks You" because WAHOO mother series reference! i've had a lot more earthbound thoughts recently, and i'm pretty sure it might be because the Cutest Goddamn ness charm is hanging from my work lanyard and i get to see his silly little face so much.. my son !! <3

speaking of silly little charms, i think my saildraws splatoon ones Might be coming soon!! i vibrate with excitement and sit crossed-legged with my nose pressed against the glass front door. packidje. i'll definitely be taking photos when they come, and if i can figure out the imbed media bit, they'll go on the blog!

what else has happened recently.. HEBBDSHB i guess i submitted my tax return (finally) last night (and also had several nervous breakdowns about submitting my tax returns but im Fine we'll be fine). because i am Technically My Own Boss for the purpose of one of my jobs, i have to declare a portion of my income as business income, and the tax forms are Piled High with business jargon that i will never understand, so i can only hope i did everything right.. (it might be worth it though because my Government Issued Business Number ends in 42069 which has no right being this funny, seeing as i am no longer 12 but i will keep laughing about it anyway)

i also got to make a new display at work today! which is always fun. i like opening boxes that aren't mine and putting together figures that aren't mine (ESPECIALLY blind box figures. ESPECIALLY when they're cute as hell) i forgot to take a photo, so i might tomorrow and put it in the blog post for tomorrow! arranging cabinet displays and window displays is so fun actually, i wish i got to do it more often!

PLUS! hopefully i'll get into the city tomorrow to see if uniqlo has any detco shirts in stock because i'm starting to see people wearing them at work and they look GOOD. i thought i might have been able to make it after work today, but i was Drained from doing Tasks and it was also school peak time and i had little interest in being Squished, so i didn't. hopefully tomorrow though!

(evidently, i am Avoiding doing any uni work. its only gonna bite me in the ass in about a week or so, so i have time.. HEBJKDHF)

i've been listening to a bit more Queen than usual (good omens crowley is In My Brain And Won't Leave) and my spotify shuffle decided to time itself well, so that once I was walking home from the bus stop it started playing Somebody To Love . a necessary boost of energy for the walk (and then I absolutely crashed once I got inside). so i'll leave that as today's song recommendation!

can anybody find meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. somebody to love !

Current Location: uni :(
Current Music: this lecture

Entry tags:

feef ramblings

:)

falling the Fuck asleep in my stats class. hhhhhhhhauuuuuuughhhhhgggghhhhh.

i'm excited to see the skittles passport! its hanging out in my wallet for now for safekeeping, and i already saw some of it at em's, but !! ehehe! plus i'm keen to send you guys LETTERS and STUFF ! THINGS even! uehehehehe oohoohoohoo. get excited >:)

not much going on in the brainspace. maybe something will brew later :)

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: eep train to eepland
Current Music: a lo-fi earthbound remix

Entry tags:

feef ramblings

disorganised thoughts

OH hello again!

I'm really liking the idea of blogging. I'll need to dive a whole lot deeper into html to figure out what I'm really doing with this.. but for now, more unformatted ramblings stretch across my blogging horizon. I DID however remember to put some icons in here though, so there should be a couple I can cycle through!!

I'm certainly not used to unlimited words. it feels too powerful.. what twitter will do to a mf.

though my thoughts tend to stay just as disorganised as ever regardless.

I spent a lot of my afternoon class making notes about things I could write about in my next blog post, which is funny, because for the Life of me I can't successfully listen to words and write different words at the same time. I can't listen to Anything with lyrics or anything spoken when I'm writing or brainstorming, or I'll just end up typing out parts of whatever I'm listening to. So my note to myself about what to write in this post had bits and pieces of the job-demand-control-support model of reducing employee stress in the workplace from whenever I tuned back in to paying attention to the discussions going on. go figure.

Since I've been drawing again (I say 'again' like it ever really left or it's been 'back' for longer than a couple days but I digress)(actually, another blog post might be in order for that one, I've picked up some of Holden's creative block ideas I think. I do partially agree that it Isn't All Real, though maybe I lean toward 'creative droughts can be overcome with enough effort but sometimes it's easier to just let them sail their course' but all that aside) I've been watching / listening to more video essays while I draw. maybe I'll make a Feef's Video Essay And General Background Noise Masterpost if y'all ever want recommendations but. tell me if you want to see it (and by 'it' i mean me rambling about long youtube videos i like forever.. either way lmk HEBKSDHJBSFD) but one video essay in particular I haven't stopped thinking about for a bit though, is on the asexual experience. particularly the bi-to-ace pipeline and the Imposter Syndrome rife in the process of changing labels and having to re-explain yourself. most of the people I came out to as bi in high school, I never ended up telling about being ace Now. it isn't really a Problem. I don't owe them anything. maybe. but it still does feel strange. regardless, I still have a lot of Coming To Terms With Myself left yet to do, but hearing different perspectives on a similar experience is always nice. plus they had a slight australian accent and I have to appreciate the rep! on the other end of the video essay spectrum is the 4-hour xenoblade retrospective I Demolished in a single sitting. video game I am completely normal about Indeed!

what else was I going to say. HEKBHDJSDB

OH I got a message from the piercing place near my work that they have 50% off apprentice piercings for a couple weeks. GAH the timing.. if only I waited another week to get my new ones done.. ripped off. maybe next time I'll get that lucky.

PLUS the FUCKING REFERENDUM BOOKLET CAME! finally. they haven't called the damn thing yet, of course, but at least this part is over and they can get on with it maybe. but the funniest thing to me is that the layout of the pamphlet is somehow the weirdest way they could have done it. each side gets 2000 words to make their case, but in the interest of 'not favouring one argument over the other' the arguments are on Every Other Page, so the 'yes' folks get the left page and the 'no' guys get the right page. which sure. succeeds in being an Extremely Frustrating reading experience and about nothing else. gold star !

slowly becoming eep central over here so I might turn it in for the night and post this half-coherent Something!

I sometimes used to do process journals when I drew or painted something particularly big, it's fun pretending decisions are intentional, so maybe I'll bring that back again.. I don't have any concrete ideas for what I'll do with the blog but. its nice.

we'll see what it becomes :)

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Location: here, there and everywhere

Entry tags:

feef ramblings

looks at you with eyes

HELLO all of the three people reading this !! peer pressure Is successful and I am easily persuaded to do things.

blogs seem FUN, I've never proper had one before so we'll see how it turns out. possibly Might forget about this every now and again but. for now I have ideas! this is just like hit show dog with a blog. except I'm not a dog and also I have no idea what happens in that show (I was not a disney channel kid)

uhhhhhhhhh I really don't have much of anything to say. notion is kicking my ass, I need to actually set up a functional and useable notion if I want to keep using it.. figuring out what things can do is time consuming when there's So Many Things, but I think I'm steadily climbing the learning curve (it's the same problem with here. there are so many things I Could do with it that the breadth of possibilities makes sure I Don't do any of the cool stuff and just get choice paralysis instead.. one step at a time I guess.)

I've got class in all of. 20 minutes. so I won't stick around but! I don't have much else to say now, and I'll save unrelated ramblings for the future ahead of us. I'll need to keep figuring out icons and customisation options and everything and anything on this site so. wish me luck. I'm off to find the IP address toggle.